Having a boyfriend isn't embarrassing, but being a shitty one is.

+ I went to New York and did something I'll never do again.

Hello, my loves!

It’s been a minute! I’ve not been ignoring you, of course. If you’re interested, here’s what I’ve been up to:

• Taking my first ever solo overseas trip

• Running a marathon

• Planning a renovation

• Surviving the final term of the school year

Yes I ran 42kms and no I don’t ever plan to do it again.

Since I took my little break in October we’ve been enlightened about women ruining the workplace (the secret’s out ladies, on to the next patriarchal system for us to destroy) and that having a boyfriend is, in fact, kind’ve embarrassing (I mean…).

Look, I don’t want to be dramatic (lol obviously I do) but it sounds a lot to me like the ladies are finally being recognised for what we do best…fucking shit up in the best possible way.

If you read the full piece about embarrassing boyfriends, you’ll know it was more about making your relationship with a man your entire personality. I’ve been working hard on decentrering my relationship status all year, both while single and dating. I have not perfected this at all – like many of us, I’m up against 40+ years of conditioning that attaches my worthiness to whether a boy likes me or not. But I gotta tell ya, realising the status of my love life is the least interesting thing about me and just, like, living my actual life? Game changing. And yes, I agree, having a boyfriend is a bit embarrassing, but do you know what’s worse?

Having a shitty boyfriend.

Do you know what’s worse than that?

Being a shitty boyfriend.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

Here’s the thing. Women are the actual best. Full stop. We’re out here running households, raising emotionally intelligent kids, building businesses, healing from generational trauma, reversing the shitty body-image rhetoric we were fed in the 90s, holding friendships that could power the grid, navigating perimenopause like Olympic athletes, and still managing to keep it all together.

So what does it say about you when you treat a woman like shit?

It says you’re not just failing at Boyfriend 101, you’re fumbling the easiest blessing you’ll ever be handed. It says you’ve been given access to the most magical, multidimensional creature on earth…and you’re out here with the audacity to leave us on read for 8 hours? The bar is already on the ground and somehow you’ve decided to tunnel under it.

And before anyone jumps into my comments with, “We’re simple creatures,” or “Tell us how to treat you,” let me stop you right there.

Do not tell me you don’t have resources available to get better at being a boyfriend. Babe, it’s 2025. We have therapy. We have podcasts. We have books. We have TikTok therapists who will teach you attachment theory in 11 seconds. We have entire Instagram accounts dedicated to “how not to be an emotionally unavailable potato.”

If you can listen to Joe Rogan bang on for 3 hours about crypto, you can learn to communicate a feeling.

If you can spend an entire weekend researching the new iPhone, you can spend 50 minutes with a therapist.

Take responsibility for your own emotional growth. Reflect on your role in relationship breakdowns. Go. To. Therapy.

But you know what’s most embarrassing about being a shitty boyfriend?

WE DON’T NEED YOU.
Like, at all. We may love you. We may want you. But we do not need you for financial stability, social acceptance, or survival. The whole “you’ll die alone with your cats” threat? That’s not the threat you think it is. That is peace. That is serenity. That is Sunday mornings with a hot cup of coffee and no emotional labour. THAT IS PEAK LIFE, DARYL.

And honestly? If my choices are:
(a) live in peace with my cats, my emotional freedom, my scented candles, my Pilates membership, my beautiful friendships, and my thriving personal growth or
(b) date a man who thinks emotional responsibility is optional and weaponises my desire for companionship?

I’m choosing the cats and the candles every. single. time.

Women wanting relationships isn’t the same as needing them. That shift is what should have mediocre men worried. Because when women don’t need men, it becomes painfully obvious who’s actually bringing value and who’s just bringing mess.

So yes, having a boyfriend can be embarrassing.
But having a mediocre boyfriend?
Or worse, BEING one?

Humiliating.

Anyway, boys…welcome to the new era.
We’re not centering you anymore.
If you want to be in our lives, you’re going to have to show up, step up, and grow up.

Because that is where the magic happens. Then, we’ll love you like you’ve never been loved. Your life will be exponentially better because of the healthy, connected and fulfilling relationship we can cultivate. And you’ll wonder why you didn’t level up years ago.

Until then?
The cats and I will be just fine.

Until next week, lovers.

Evie xx

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Hey, listen up lovers. Early next year I am launching 2 new and cool things for my paid subscribers.

• Heartbreak is Hard: The Podcast, where you can catch me banging on about love, dating, relationships and heartbreak in mid-life. I’m an expert level yapper, so you don’t want to miss this.

• Ask Evie: A weekly advice* column where I attempt to help you with your real-life conundrums.

*We may or may not find a resolution, but I’m willing to give it a red hot crack!

Are you in? All you have to do is become a paid subscriber ($5 a month / $50 a year) and from January 2026 this fresh content will be ALL YOURS. Easy, huh?

This a bit more aggressive than anticipated but I’m rolling with it.